She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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