You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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