Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You are a genius and a whore.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
