I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
