I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
