my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
