I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
