We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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