How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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