Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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