It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
