i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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