I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
