babies were throwing up all over the place
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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