i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
