ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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