Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
