You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
