This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
