apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
