Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
