Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
