Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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