Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
