my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
