he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
