i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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