I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
