saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
