I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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