Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
