Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
