make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
