i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
