Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Holy shit dude........stairs
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
