i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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