He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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