i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
