I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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