There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
