So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
