This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
