I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
