awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Fuck appropriateness.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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