I heard we made out
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
my poor anus
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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