I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
