so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just high enough for therapy.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
