It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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