Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
