It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
